Life with Children
Managing Challenging Behavior
Our children are watching us, even when we don’t realize or even when they say nothing, they see how we feel and react, the ways we treat ourselves and how we connect with others. They feel “our vibe” whether it’s positive, challenged, or somewhere in between. I will generalize when I say, so many of us are “in between” these days, trying to figure out what components of our day stay the same and what aspects need to change or which components are changing around us at this time (and seemingly “out of our control”). For some children and families, CHANGE CREATES THE CHALLENGE, so how can you carry the weight of the day and manage the challenging behavior that erupts, as changes roll on through? I interviewed Dr. Dan Shapiro, MD, a Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrician to discuss how to ride this wave, despite the rough waters. Perhaps, it isn’t about eliminating all outbursts, but how to learn to be proactive and reduce the severity of the reactions. Tune in to the YouTube interview or enjoy the interview highlights right here! Special thanks to Dr. Dan Shapiro for his time and commitment to helping families and children.
Prefer to watch the interview? Hop over to You Tube: https://youtu.be/tkhlhKjFAn0
Stacey Band, MPA, Educator and Founder of Home Day Hero and Dr. Dan Shapiro, MD, Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrician and Founder of The Parent Child Journey discuss: Life with Children and Managing Challenging Behaviors
Stacey: Families are dealing with a lot of heavy topics (pandemic-related, educational challenges, racism, social injustices, politics, financial burdens, and more) and each of these, individually can invoke a lot of emotions. Many parents need to navigate working from home or identifying alternative childcare, educating their children from home (maybe with some virtual support), and working to accomplish all of the other “usual” tasks at home. As a result, schedules may vary from the “old” routine, responsibilities and expectations may be shifting, and some children are met with developmental challenges atop it all. With all of this in mind, have you also seen an increase in families sharing more concerns regarding challenging behavior? And, how are you working with these families? How do you encourage children (and their parents) to adapt?
Dr. Dan Realistic approach means there may be a need to change expectations, as related to school performance, social connections, and family dynamics. Set realistic goals for realistic circumstances. Identify strengths and interests to determine what components can be reinforced to create opportunities. Create a list and prioritize. Discussion on the differences between proactive and reactive strategies.
Stacey: Implementation of action plans
Implementing techniques to ease routines
Identify and highlight the components that are the same
Recognize the new and different aspects
Dr. Dan: Importance of building resilience
Identifying family rituals
Embracing routines to create familiarity
Stacey: Can we talk a bit about Managing Challenging Behavior?
⁃ Get to the root of the behavior
⁃ How can parents support and encourage flexibility; while also maintaining structure and expectations?
Dr. Dan: Evaluate the source of problems may be coming from to identify how to be most effective.
Look at the child’s temperament, strengths, weaknesses, sensory profile, and current environment to work towards proactive behavior management.
Stacey: Child refuses dinner, launches the plate, food is everywhere, and the child is having a fit.
Dr. Dan: 3 Reactive Strategies (Ross Green, Explosive Child)
“Time out” mentality
Turn your attention away* (often the best option, situationally dependent)
Empathic response (“hey kiddo, what’s up?”…may be best for children older than 3 years old)
Proactive Strategies
What can we do to prevent the same undesired behavior from happening again?
Evaluate the child’s needs and preferences.
Stacey: In my experience in the classroom and at home with my own children, I’ve witnessed countless situations where the importance of empowering kids has changed a situation/“flipped the script”. Have you also found offering appropriate power and encouraging independence to be helpful?
Dr. Dan Proactive Strategies – collaborative problem solving, prior to the meal. Provide child with age appropriate control over components where they may choose.
Stacey: Ways to emperor kids: Opportunities for appropriate power and encouraging independence at home.
Appropriate Power
-Offering a choice from a limited selection of offerings
Dr. Dan: Parents retain ultimate power and introduce the importance of compromise, along with age-appropriate choices.
Stacey: Parents are stressed now more than ever. Developmentally appropriate opportunities for child to help themselves is critical.
Dr. Dan: Identify the level of support your child needs to accomplish tasks, provide scaffolding, as needed. More concerns about social and emotional development. Recognition of Multiple intelligences (Howard Gardner)
Stacey: 3 Areas for Encouraging Independence at Home (Care of self, others, and the environment)
Self: clothes, teeth, hair
Others: helping prep for dinner
Enviro: putting belongings away
Dr. Dan: Task analysis – what steps exist in completing a task? Break the task down to sub steps and determine what help is actually needed. “Chaining” activities by verbally walking a child through the steps and directing the child. Focus on sub steps that create
Stacey: Power of positive reinforcement and sharing observations
Dr. Dan: Little People by Chris Topherson, “catch the child being good”. Customize your positive reinforcements and observations, instead of generalizing “good boy or good girl”.
Many thanks for joining us!
Contact Dr. Dan Shapiro and Check out his website!
Contact Stacey Band, MPA and Check out the website!
Also, be sure to check out the Home Day Hero article, Processing Big Emotions, featuring more information and resources from Dr. Dan Shapiro. Here’s a quick summary:
Processing Big Emotions
It is true that in life, situations may occur where choice regarding specific situations for an outcome are not possible, however, the way that we feel about the situation and the outcome remains within our control. This powerful perspective allows people, even young children to learn perspective and how to process their emotions, even BIG (and sometimes, what feels scary) emotions. Includes interviews with a child author, Eris Aubrie; a developmental-behavioral pediatrician, Dr. Dan Shapiro, MD; and experienced school administrator, teacher, and parent coaching, Bernardo Salcido III, M. Ed.
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About Dr. Dan Shapiro, MD, a developmental-behavioral pediatrician
He is also the creator of a program called, Parent Child Journey. Here’s a bit about him: “I came from my hometown of East Lansing, Michigan to attend medical school at George Washington University in D.C. My Pediatric Residency training was at Children’s Hospital in DC. Then I practiced Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine in Silver Spring, Maryland for 13 years before shifting my focus to Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics. I enjoy seeing children and consulting with parents in my home office. I also observe children and collaborate with educators at dozens of area schools. I developed the Parent Child Journey and Excursions Programs, offering these behavior management training courses throughout Greater Washington and internationally online. I am the author of numerous articles and three books: Parent Child Journey: An Individualized Approach to Raising Your Challenging Child, Parent Child Excursions: ADHD, Anxiety and Autism and Raph’s Tale, a children’s book on developmental difference. I am a Fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics and a member of the Society for Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics. I am married with 4 children and 2 grandchildren- all wonderfully different. My hobbies include music, reading and floating down the Potomac in a kayak.” – www.parentchildjourney.com