New Beginnings
Ride the Wave
Every day, I find myself grateful for what I have at this time; knowing that time can change so much. Every one of us has experienced challenges, loss, change, and even heartache in the last year; some days more challenging than others and despite it all, a sense of hope to carry us through our most challenging moments. I reached out to licensed psychotherapist, mom, and author Christina Furnival to inquire about stress and the impacts that she is observing in children during this time, especially. Each day, requiring additional flexibility, understanding, and compromise, not just for our kiddos, but for us, as adults, too! How will you ride the next wave?
Tell us a bit about yourself.
“Hi! I’m Christina Furnival. I am a mom to two kiddos -- an almost five-year-old daughter and a three-year-old son, a licensed psychotherapist (LPCC), and an author of children’s books on social/emotional learning. My debut book, “A Not-So-Friendly Friend | How to Set Boundaries for Healthy Friendships”, is set to launch this September! If you’ve ever felt helpless as your child dealt with a prickly friend, this book is for you and for them so you can learn a practical approach and how to set a boundary.
I am a born-and-raised San Diegan, who managed with the logistical magic of a mutual friend to meet my husband from Scotland on a blind date weekend! This fall we will be celebrating 8 years of marriage. Fortune smiled struck again when my husband agreed for us to live in my hometown, and we are raising our children in the neighborhood I grew up in.
When I am not busy with work projects, I love to spend my time outdoors in the sunshine, socializing with close friends, singing and making music with my family, and having wild dance parties in the living room.
I love meeting and relating with other moms and their motherhood journeys, so please connect with me! You can find me at my website ThisIsRealLifeMama.com (soon to be ChristinaFurnival.com), on Facebook and on Instagram. Please follow along! I’d love to meet you!”
What are some top general challenges you’re observing within children at this time?
“Right now, I am observing that children are adapting better than most adults to the changes the pandemic caused. Mask wearing has become so commonplace, even the children who rejected masks initially for discomfort or sensory issues have learned how to use their mask. Children as well have learned to give space and engage in stellar hand washing practices. That said, I know all of us adults hope they don't get so used to this way of living to the point that they have fears or anxieties about germs or not wearing masks or social distancing in the future.
School-aged kids have returned to schools in a lot of the world, and there have been big shifts and adjustmentswith that. Summer is about to empty schools again, and children will be faced with yet another change. I really hope that when school starts up again in the fall, that it is as minimally restrictive as possible so children can find their footing in a semi post-pandemic world.
Other challenges families face with children, pandemic aside, is the age-appropriate (but oh so frustrating) lack of impulse control which is often perceived by parents (myself included!) as being defiant, some truly impressive (and infuriating) selective listening, and sibling spats and aggression.
As challenging as children can be, if we focus on those challenges we can really feel bogged down. If weintentionally focus on the positives, we can enjoy parenting more. We can also watch the way we describe our children and choose more positive terminology. Thepower of wordsis truly amazing. Instead of hyper, we could say active. Instead of mischievous we could say inquisitive and exploratory. Instead of stubborn we could say persistent and determined. Children often embody wonderful characteristics and qualities that sometimes make them more of a challenge to parent, but that will help them grow into amazing adults.”
What suggestions do you have for helping our children process big emotions?
“Validate, validate, validate. Our children’s experiences are real and big and intense to them. As much as we may not have the understanding of their experience or the energy to deal with yet another tantrum, by ignoring them or asking them to stop crying or telling them their problems are small we are saying that their experience isn’t valid and that they don’t matter. And treating them in this way often makes their behavior worse.
Everyone wants to feel heard, including children. If we adults can express empathy and validation, children begin to feel heard, and in doing so the weight of their emotions lightens. If a child knows they can come to you for comfort and support, they will feel more safe to process their big emotions and make sense of them. From this more calm and safe space, the parent can guide the child in what to do or say.
Sometimes, I do a play-by-play recap of what led up to the problem, what the problem was, and what happened. Then I can elicit from the child their ideas of what could have been done differently, or I can help them make sense of why they felt how they did based on the circumstances. Then we can work in alignment and attunement to solve the problem or make a plan for the next time so we can have a different and more positive outcome.”
What resources within and outside of the school environment do you recommend to support parents? To support our children?
“For moms, we often don’t get in enough self-care, so I highly recommend the app Mindful Mamas. Their guided meditations are specific and tailored to whatever your mood, challenge, situation is.
For parents, there are many podcasts, books, websites that offer support and guidance depending on the challenge or concern. Janet Lansbury is a good recommendation since she covers a wide range of topics, and her podcast Unruffled is great. And of course, my website ThisIsRealLifeMama.com (soon to be ChristinaFurnival.com), or on Facebook.
For children, I am a big fan of Big Life Journal and Generational Mindful products and resources. Big Life Journal is all about building resiliency and having a growth mindset to overcome obstacles. And Generation Mindful is about mindfulness and emotional regulation and processing.”
Thank you, Christina, for sharing this valuable information, as we all work our way through the “new normal” and make our way back towards some variation of our “old ways”. As we “wade” through our current situation(s), it is vital to take a few moments and really identify what components of our routines and schedules no longer “work” and need modification, updating, or to be eliminated altogether. If you are experiencing anxious feelings or actions or you experience tiredness, beyond your “normal” and you feel concerned, please contact your trusted medical professional(s) to further discuss your concerns.
Let’s discuss opportunities for success in your own home!
Limited 2-Hour consulting packages available.
Be sure to check out my previous articles regarding the topics mentioned by Christina:
Impulse Control vs. Decision Making Through Appropriate Power
Noise Pollution vs. Opportunities for Quiet or Limited Noise
Self-care
Validation and “Play-by-Play” or Sportscasting
Want to discuss opportunities for success in your own home?
Limited 2-Hour consulting packages available.