Time to Reset
Like Never Before
It’s 9:01 p.m. and the kids are FINALLY asleep. I receive a text message and I respond immediately, but that’s the last thing I remember, as I suddenly hear my alarm blaring, it’s 6:45 a.m. I fell asleep in my daughter’s chair, again. These times are indeed hard. As parents, teachers, and those working with children; I get it, there’s an overall sense of utter exhaustion on every level. Perhaps, this feeling of being “overspent” by a never ending need to be flexible, adjust, and retool, but somehow meet all of the same typical needs and expectations, and then some is becoming quite the burden. It’s like driving a car on ice and attempting to remain in control, despite the tailspins. It’s HUMAN to feel this way and how we manage these emotions and concerns will make all the difference and it will be seen and felt through our efforts and our interactions with ourselves, our children, and others.
In the classroom, returning from Spring Break was always like riding a roller coaster, but in the best sort of way, you know, after the last big drop and you know that roller coaster is “coasting” back to its’ starting point and the remainder will likely be a “smooth ride”. This was the time of year, when all of the puzzle pieces were falling into place. The concepts that were taught and the skills that were practiced, were coming together to create this beautiful masterpiece, fueled by growth and persistence. The typically 10-week stretch, usually felt like, “sliding into home plate”. To the contrary, this year, an exception to the rest is like reliving the part of the roller coaster right before the first big drop, over and again. That exact moment, full of excitement and, perhaps, a touch of fear that creates that unsettling sensation in the pit of your stomach. While there may be comforting parts of those moment, like the fact that you are buckled or maybe you’ve been on a roller coaster before, or the ride is supposed to be fun, and you know the exhilaration will only last for a few moments before the ride smooths and you encounter other “bumps” along the way. So, you’re wondering, what’s the comparison? When the whole year (or more) has seemingly felt like this same part of the roller coaster time and again, it’s difficult to appreciate what’s around: other people, experiences, change, and challenges.
How can we see through the haze this year has created and still create meaningful experiences and connections? Rest assured, it is possible!
As I watched all of the kids returning to school, it was clear, the routines still felt new, the new expectations had not yet set in, and apprehension was in the air; thus, THE OPPOSITE of a traditional return to school following “Spring Break”. As a former classroom teacher and school administrator, now parent of two littles and a parent coach; I know things now are like NEVER BEFORE! We could all use a little BOOST!
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3 Structure-Based RESETS that Kids Need
Return to the Schedule/Familiar Routines
Opportunities to Choose
Opportunities to Connect and Disconnect
1.FIVE Areas to Return to the Schedule/Familiar Routines
-Getting ready for the day
-Preparing to leave the house
-Transitions from one activity to the next
-Arriving at home
-Getting ready for bed
Let’s go in detail regarding the schedule and familiar routines and what this could look like in your home.
-Getting ready for the day: If you have more than one bathroom, allow the child to choose which bathroom they will use.
-Preparing to leave the house: Often times, my son comes towards the door with a toy or something in his hands. We added a small container that looks different from all the others, where he can “check his toy, leave it there, so it waits for him upon his return home”. And, we always say, “To be ready to leave the house, we need to do 3 things: mask, coat, and shoes. Which one should we do first? What should we do next?”
-Transitions from one activity to the next: Set a timer, if needed. Offer the child a few options: “It is almost time to clean up and (name the next activity), would you like to (name current activity) for 2 or 3 more minutes?”
-Arrival home: It is exciting to be home, but entering the space can be overwhelming. Knowing that everything has a dedicated place to “live” can reduce this “added excitement”. I love having a dedicated place for the kids to sit, that is positioned RIGHT inside the door, so, they don’t need to walk far, at all. The goal is to make things easy and convenient for everyone.
-Getting ready for bed: I love encouraging “older” children to help me “remember” what we need to do, as this often helps the younger child or children understand and see what comes next. And, it’s often nice to hear the sequence fo events coming from someone other than “the adult in charge”. Ask, “what should happen first?” and “What should we do next?” Or, if more guidance is needed, “should we use the bathroom and brush our teeth first or put on our pajamas?” And, similarly to the morning routine, it helps to provide 2 feasible pajama options, set out for the child to choose from this limited selection.
2.FIVE Opportunities to Choose
-Clothing options
-Breakfast options
-After school snack choices
-How many minutes before we clean up our toys/activities for the night
-Books at bedtime
Let’s go into detail on opportunities to choose and what this could look like in your home.
-Clothing options: If needed, provide the child with two full outfit options, so they can choose from a limited selection, and mix-and-match, as desired.
-Breakfast options: Knowing your child’s likes and dislikes is important. Very rarely do we introduce new food items at breakfast, mainly because we do not want to start the day with this type of power struggle. We might introduce a new fruit or bread product or a special spread (i.e. chocolate hazelnut spread) at a different time, as a snack to see if the child enjoys the alternative(s). I love offering two reasonable, feasible options and allowing the child to choose! If the child selects toast, then I typically follow up with, “would you like cream cheese or butter with cinnamon on your toast?” And, “would you like to take the turn to spread it yourself?” Allowing the child an opportunity to participate, usually increases their likelihood of consuming the “thing” they’ve created.
-After school snack choices: Providing children with a few reasonable and feasible options, is great! Making these snacks low and accessible can also be helpful. When children are able to obtain their own snacks, they feel a sense of pride! An example would be: “would you like these graham crackers or these cheese crackers?” or “would you like some apple or pear?”
-How many minutes before we clean up our toys/activities for the night: As you may have done during a different transition time, as you moved from one activity to the next, consider using a timer, if needed. Offer the child a few options: “It is almost time to clean up and (name the next activity), would you like to (name current activity) for 2 or 3 more minutes?” Some families like to play a clean-up song to encourage their child to assist with the cleanup process and participate in the transition. Often times, using a song to cleanup is consistent with the expectations set forth in a school or daycare environment; which is great practice to experience at home, too!
-Books at bedtime: Some children are able to easily choose their stories at bedtime, while others need assistance. Know what type of support your child may need and only provide that type of guidance. Perhaps, your child has a favorite story they enjoy every night, so, perhaps, this story has a “special” spot on the shelf or a “special” spot on a nightstand, where it can be easily found. For a child who cannot yet choose or needs assistance choosing, provide them with two choice: “would you like this story (hold up the book and say the title of the book) or this story (hold up the book and say the title of this book, too)?”
3.FIVE Opportunities to Connect and Disconnect
-Music, conversation, or silence?
-Take turns sharing about your day
-Being present and offering opportunities to choose to be physically close/near or further away
-Structured family interactions and selecting independent play
-Inviting children to participate in conversations or video calls with family and or friends
Let’s go into detail on opportunities to connect and disconnect and what this could look like in your home.
-Should we listen to music in the car or would you like to chat (or have silence)?
-I’d love to hear 3 (or a few) things about your day! Mind if I share a few things about my day with you, as well?
-When we get home, I have some work to do at the table. Would you like to play in the family room (common space) or in your bedroom (quieter space)?
-After dinner, do you want to play a game, as a family or would you prefer to choose your own activity to do on your own?
-I need to call your grandparents (or aunt/uncle, etc.), would you like me to wear my headphones or put them on speakerphone (a video call), so you can join the call?
Bringing it all Together
Why do these components matter? By bringing attention to these components, you re-instill and support the needs of the child and of the family. You build upon what’s working well and recognize the progress, and also draw attention to specific desirable behaviors. Use these moments as touchstones for future success and or allow them to serve as examples, when the children need extra encouragement or support, and bring attention to prior successes and build upon those moments.
We Need Support, TOO!
3 Questions to ask yourself:
What brings you joy?
What do you (reasonably) need today?
What do you need to make a priority?
The best part about these responses is that it is personal, individualized, and specific to YOU, just like the custom-made drink concoction that you reliably order from your favorite coffee spot. When I envision these questions, I don’t need to think BIG, I can think small, and that’s OK!
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