The Struggle is Real
The Struggle is Real: The Weight of Guilt
How do you pick and choose when to stay at home with your child versus identifying childcare or schooling options? What about when your child is under the weather, how many days do you keep them home? Does your job enable you to take time off when your kids are sick or will you need to arrange some backup care at home? What about homeschooling? So many things to think about on this one topic alone. By looking at it bit by bit and taking “the emotion” out of the decision, you’ll be able to identify potential solutions, hopefully based on what is best for you and your kiddos. Let’s explore support systems, techniques for organization within your schedule, and how to bring some kindness and grace into our lives and not just for our kiddos, but also for ourselves.
YOU Are NOT Alone
Others have experienced THE SAME feelings of self-doubt, confusion, being conflicted within, and stricken with guilt. The KEY is what support system do you have or can you create for yourself (and your family)? Usually, it would be a matter of surrounding yourself with people that support you; family, friends, and neighbors. It can be hard to ask for help and at times, difficult to accept help, even when it’s needed. Imagine, how can your family and friends support you and help, when help is needed?
Make your list of people
Brainstorm your list of needs
If you don’t have family or friends that can help, consider other sources that could provide some assistance or relief:
“Local mom groups”
Religious institutions
Professional help
Hire someone (nanny, babysitter, au pair)
Non-profit organizations
Explore school and daycare options
You see, your support system may not be readily available to do “all the things “, but they might be able to help in small ways (that still make a big difference); such as: picking one child up from school once a week or every once in a while or watching the kids on a Saturday afternoon for a few hours so you can sneak away.
The Time or Money “Pendulum”
When you’re giving time to the family or household, you’re usually contributing less financially. And, when you’re contributing significantly (financially) to the household or family, you usually have less time available to be present. This pendulum/scale ebbs and flows, it’s not a constant. Keeping this in mind is helpful because it breaks up the monotony of the tasks at home and can be a little light at the end of a long week, bring on Sunday! Momma needs a minute.
As I think more about my time, I realize specific times in my life where significant changes have occurred and instead of choosing new paths or choices, I continued to choose the same old ones, not because they were working perfectly, but because I was stuck in my own way. Ever been there? We all get stuck sometimes. The point is you have to actively choose to change and recognize that change isn’t easy, EVEN IF we all know that innately.
The trick is to think about these 5 things:
What is not working or frustrating?
What are the available options?
What is working?
What can you do? (The hope)
What will you do? (The reality)
This process is no different than the kinds of questions we might ask our children, when they are trying to problem solve through an issue. It’s almost as though, we need to start treating ourselves with the same grace and courtesy that we hopefully are treating our children. I know, I am guilty of treating my children better than I treat myself. This is something that I am continually and actively working to improve. I put their wants and needs before mine and it’s not that I don’t want to make myself a priority or give myself the things I need, sometimes, it’s just not possible (or it seems impossible). Other times, I am making excuses for myself, hard truths. So, when you ask yourself why didn’t I get a haircut or why didn’t I go to the grocery store or why didn’t I make it to the gym in the last year, ask yourself are you choosing NOT to do these things? Are you making excuses for yourself? Do you need to reset your mindset and your goals, so that you are more aligned with your reality? Maybe, going to the gym is no longer possible, but would it be possible to go to a class once a week, instead? Or, is it more feasible to do some sort of at-home program on your own time on a set day each week?
The point is...
What are you choosing? VS. What excuses are you making for yourself?
How can you get yourself out of the routine of making these kinds of excuses? What needs to change, so you can start doing the things that you want to do, need to do, and intend to have or accomplish? “Systems dictates function,” so what systems will you create and implement next?
The Pressure
How do you balance all the responsibilities and manage not to forget about yourself in the mix? As I mentioned, I’m guilty of this, but it’s something that I’m continually working to improve. You see, this is about OPPORTUNITIES “for the taking”. Some people say that opportunities will present themselves, but in my experience, I am of the belief that opportunities become available when you make them available and when you actively seek the opportunity and then choose the opportunity. Some of us are stuck in doing things the same old way, because it’s familiar and that’s the way that we’ve always done things. Often, it’s the most comfortable “way”, but it might not be the best option or the most efficient fit.
Evaluate what it is that you’re doing every day:
Identify the components of the day that are stressful
The times of day where time is literally wasted
The times of days that you are completing repetitive tasks (that could possibly be condensed to one day)
Need some solutions? Keep reading!
Manage Solutions = More Quality Time
Reconfigure by identifying what times of your day or week are high stress versus low stress. Pay specific attention to the “high stress” times. The point is if we can reduce the number of tasks that we are attempting to complete during high stress times, then our high stress times suddenly become less stressful and we then create more times that are lower stress versus higher. This shift will allow for more quality time with our loves.
Here are some tried and true examples:
Pre-prepare lettuce/grain bowls (5-10)
3 hours of food prep 1-2x/week (Consider some pre-prepped vegetables, some frozen, and some fresh)
Commit to laundry 2x/week (approx 2 hours/day)
Commit to grocery shopping 1x/week (2nd time, if needed. Consider potential delivery or pickup options)
Double recipes (with the intention of portioning 1/2 and freezing)
Make veggie bags for the week (for everyone)
Pre-prepare some sliced fruit (1-2x/week)
Collect recipes in a folder or binder for quick favorites
For breakfast foods, such as: pancakes, french toast, muffins, fruit/veggie breads: make in different sizes and freeze, and even oatmeal
Each week the lettuce/grain bowls are different, but the point is that if I spend thirty minutes during a low stress time, it is far better than someone (me or my partner) attempting to accomplish this task during a high stress time; when we are all trying to leave the house for the day during the week. Overall, I am working to cook less foods (total) that are different for each member of the family. It might mean cutting squash or sweet potatoes and preparing a few different ways or placing them in different containers with different spices. It might mean making mashed sweet potatoes with nuts and sauce for some people in the house, but cubed shape and or french fries strips for the kids. It might mean mashing the squash or sweet potato, so that it can be easily consumed with a spoon or as a finger food by either child. You see, it’s a matter of WORKing SMARTER, not harder. We all have our tips and tricks, techniques and shortcuts, or quick fixes for what works best for our family. Sometimes, when you feel stressed or off kilter, it can be difficult to think clearly about the tools to utilize to best navigate some of these situations. Often, I write the available options for the week for dinners and lunches, so that it is easier to offer great options during the week without doing a ton of cooking, instead more warming up of options as they are needed. Often times I will freeze some of the food that I make and warm later in the week. Other times, I supplement with pre-prepared food or semi-prepared food and use that to supplement meals and this also reduces my prep time. It’s more of the time and money pendulum, do I have the time and the strength to wash, peel, chop or slice a half dozen or more sweet potatoes, and then cook them in some manner? Or, because only one hand may be available, I’d be better suited finding pre-cubed or crinkle cut raw or in the freezer section; whichever is easier on the budget. Be creative!
Self-Worth
If you do not believe in your own abilities and your general success, how can you expect other people to see those qualities within you, when you are not exuding those qualities other people. It’s a really tough question to think about! I get that. But, you have to take a look at what it is that is holding you back and why is that thing continuously holding you back? And, what can you do, what is in your power, to sway the things that are standing in your way, so that they are no longer causing a disruption? Work hard, keep your head up, stay humble. This too shall pass. And, your kiddos, they’ll be grateful for YOU and the time you can spend together.
For more information on Montessori Inspired Solutions and how to organize yourself, so that you can spend more time with your kiddos, contact Stacey: info@homedayhero.com