What if it’s NOT the kids, then is it the adults!?
3 Common challenges when visiting family or family visits:
Inflexible mindset
Others are not familiar with your kiddos schedule or needs
“Competition” for time
The Key Takeaways
Don’t be judgmental. Don’t cop an attitude. Don’t get ruffled. Don’t even raise your voice. Share the facts, give the details, offer the choices. And, let it ride!
Oh, These Kids!
Your child is the same child today they were yesterday, 2 weeks ago, and even 2 months ago. If you’re finding challenges popping up, what’s the cause? A new routine? Some developmental hiccups? A change in expectations? Traveling? Any one of these can have an effect on a child’s progress, stability, emotional state/response, sleep habits, eating habits, etc. Instead of worrying, let’s FOCUS on how we pre-empt and respond to these kiddos; as YOU have the power to make a difference.
No one’s life is “perfect,” despite the image(s) they portray. We all experience challenges and struggles, perhaps, the obstacles we face are different, but emotionally, only you know the truth for yourself. Our children may see our struggle, they may feel the struggle, the shift and internalize their observations; as they recalibrate how they feel about a situation or how a situation makes them feel at a given time. We can teach them resilience.
It’s 9:01 p.m. and the kids are FINALLY asleep. I receive a text message and I respond immediately, but that’s the last thing I remember, as I suddenly hear my alarm blaring, it’s 6:45 a.m. I fell asleep in my daughter’s chair, again. These times are indeed hard. As parents, teachers, and those working with children; I get it, there’s an overall sense of utter exhaustion on every level. Perhaps, this feeling of being “overspent” by a never ending need to be flexible, adjust, and retool, but somehow meet all of the same typical needs and expectations, and then some is becoming quite the burden. It’s like driving a car on ice and attempting to remain in control, despite the tailspins. It’s HUMAN to feel this way and how we manage these emotions and concerns will make all the difference and it will be seen and felt through our efforts and our interactions with ourselves, our children, and others.
In challenging times, it is tension and anxiety from within that makes focusing, being purposeful, and mindful seem like an uphill battle. I use the phrase “challenging times” quite frequently, as I recognize the challenges that people experience will vary based upon their life experiences. In a previous article, Common Challenges*, I shared some specific truths: We all feel stress, but how we manage our stress and how it relates to our children can be a challenge. The children have plenty of needs and we have needs, too; AND expectations to meet. When you’re feeling challenged, ask yourself: What energy are you emulating? Our children take cues from us and the more consistent we can be about our responses and our daily routines, the better the outcomes for everyone! With the current times in mind, I reached out to Lauren Chelec Cafritz, an expert in Health and Wellness, and Breath work, for an interview.
Parenting is hard. There! I said it! Why is it this way, you may be wondering? The answer is “simple”, the kiddos have their own preferences, thoughts, and developing beliefs. And, on top of that, their ability to “reason” or understand the answers that are given and accept the answers; can be a challenge of its’ own. Imagine if the outbursts were shorter, the recoveries quicker, and the tears lessened!? Let’s zone in on the truths and give ourselves the grace we need and help the kiddos work through their challenges, too!
One day, not that long ago, when my husband walked in the room and randomly said, “you’re the pandemic champion!”, I laughed and immediately said aloud, “why do you say that?” The back story, I used to be pretty inflexible. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, it’s that I used to be quite set in my ways because I felt the things I was doing worked and my non-negotiable priorities were different. With these changes, I’m not losing who I am, I am reframing what I need, in this time. I’m still the same person!
Montessori education and experiences are framed by opportunities for independence, choice supported by freedom within limits, promotion of participation in the experiences within the environment, and available activities presented based upon the child’s needs and interests. With these components in place, each child is able to have a unique experience shaped around their individual needs; despite their presence in a classroom or family environment where other people have other wants and needs. The experience promotes joy and provides windows for power that lead to stronger relationships with adults and others.
Others have experienced THE SAME feelings of self-doubt, confusion, being conflicted within, and stricken with guilt. The KEY is what support system do you have or can you create for yourself (and your family)? Usually, it would be a matter of surrounding yourself with people that support you; family, friends, and neighbors. It can be hard to ask for help and at times, difficult to accept help, even when it’s needed. Imagine, how can your family and friends support you and help, when help is needed? What changes do you need to consider making in your life to improve your relationship with your kiddos?
Every day without fail, directly following breakfast, your son selects to play with play dough. You are ANNOYED, despite that he’s ready and willing to play happily and independently. Why are you annoyed? Likely because he has LOTS of other toys to play with and because he’s always making a mess with the play dough and then doesn’t bother to clean up afterwards. AMIRITE? Consider a few things: If you don’t want the child to engage in a specific activity, don’t make the activity readily available OR EXPLORE WHY the child is drawn to a specific activity AND what can be changed to encourage cleanup to be part of the process. Often times, it’s a matter of reframing what the child already knows and sharing it back to them (and usually) without judgement. It is also possible that the child does not understand that the play dough will become ruined and he may need to experience the natural consequence of seeing the play dough dried out and ruined to understand the importance of taking care of his toys or belongings. OR, maybe, this activity is a “default” activity for him because it’s “safe”, familiar, and doesn’t feel challenging. How can the activity be modified to spark his curiosity and further exploration? What if using play dough promoted hand strength, encouraged writing, and offered opportunities for counting activities. The play dough activity could be the beginning of so much learning, just imagine the possibilities!
What is Home Day Hero? Some days are school days, while other days are home days, such as the weekends, holidays, sick days, and days that school or daycare is closed. When you are at home with your child, YOU are THE HERO! How will you be a hero on your home days? Home Day Hero’s Montessori Inspired Solutions to the rescue! Born from the idea that Montessori components can easily be implemented at home with tips and tricks from a certified Montessorian (Montessori teacher), that’s me! Follow along in my adventures through teaching hundreds of children and raising my own kiddos.
THE REALITY: Outbursts are reality and they are going to happen, no matter what. It’s how you respond that determines how the outburst(s) play out. To be a Hero on your Home Days, I bet you’d love to decrease the number of outbursts AND decrease the duration of them, too, don’t we all!?
Have you found yourself stuck in a parenting rut? Digging your heels in the mud for the sake of a power struggle? By establishing expectations, you can shape your experience and your child’s by disengaging in power struggles through being consistent.
Your Child’s Bedroom - SIMPLE is best. A child’s room can GROW with them AND change over time. HEROES would not allow the “pressure” of nesting to cloud their ability to allow for a simplistic space to exist that meets your child's basic needs: Eat, Sleep, Diapering, and Play.
