What if it’s NOT the kids, then is it the adults!?
3 Common challenges when visiting family or family visits:
Inflexible mindset
Others are not familiar with your kiddos schedule or needs
“Competition” for time
The Key Takeaways
Don’t be judgmental. Don’t cop an attitude. Don’t get ruffled. Don’t even raise your voice. Share the facts, give the details, offer the choices. And, let it ride!
Oh, These Kids!
Your child is the same child today they were yesterday, 2 weeks ago, and even 2 months ago. If you’re finding challenges popping up, what’s the cause? A new routine? Some developmental hiccups? A change in expectations? Traveling? Any one of these can have an effect on a child’s progress, stability, emotional state/response, sleep habits, eating habits, etc. Instead of worrying, let’s FOCUS on how we pre-empt and respond to these kiddos; as YOU have the power to make a difference.
No one’s life is “perfect,” despite the image(s) they portray. We all experience challenges and struggles, perhaps, the obstacles we face are different, but emotionally, only you know the truth for yourself. Our children may see our struggle, they may feel the struggle, the shift and internalize their observations; as they recalibrate how they feel about a situation or how a situation makes them feel at a given time. We can teach them resilience.
Supporting Preschool Children with Behavioral Challenges
In recent years, the early childhood sector has shifted from focusing on childcare to family care. This is typically implemented in the following ways:
Early childhood educators are widening their scope of support. Supporting preschool children means supporting their families; suggesting social services for the entire family, sharing resources for proper housing, suggesting employment options, etc. The idea is that the more stable a child’s home life is in the early years, the easier it will be to put them on a path of a positive trajectory.
Educators and guardians are more closely working together to support the child holistically. It is no longer about one type of support in the classroom from the educator, and another type in the home from the guardians. Both parties are now working together to provide consistent early childhood education and care between school and home.
It’s 9:01 p.m. and the kids are FINALLY asleep. I receive a text message and I respond immediately, but that’s the last thing I remember, as I suddenly hear my alarm blaring, it’s 6:45 a.m. I fell asleep in my daughter’s chair, again. These times are indeed hard. As parents, teachers, and those working with children; I get it, there’s an overall sense of utter exhaustion on every level. Perhaps, this feeling of being “overspent” by a never ending need to be flexible, adjust, and retool, but somehow meet all of the same typical needs and expectations, and then some is becoming quite the burden. It’s like driving a car on ice and attempting to remain in control, despite the tailspins. It’s HUMAN to feel this way and how we manage these emotions and concerns will make all the difference and it will be seen and felt through our efforts and our interactions with ourselves, our children, and others.
In challenging times, it is tension and anxiety from within that makes focusing, being purposeful, and mindful seem like an uphill battle. I use the phrase “challenging times” quite frequently, as I recognize the challenges that people experience will vary based upon their life experiences. In a previous article, Common Challenges*, I shared some specific truths: We all feel stress, but how we manage our stress and how it relates to our children can be a challenge. The children have plenty of needs and we have needs, too; AND expectations to meet. When you’re feeling challenged, ask yourself: What energy are you emulating? Our children take cues from us and the more consistent we can be about our responses and our daily routines, the better the outcomes for everyone! With the current times in mind, I reached out to Lauren Chelec Cafritz, an expert in Health and Wellness, and Breath work, for an interview.
Parenting is hard. There! I said it! Why is it this way, you may be wondering? The answer is “simple”, the kiddos have their own preferences, thoughts, and developing beliefs. And, on top of that, their ability to “reason” or understand the answers that are given and accept the answers; can be a challenge of its’ own. Imagine if the outbursts were shorter, the recoveries quicker, and the tears lessened!? Let’s zone in on the truths and give ourselves the grace we need and help the kiddos work through their challenges, too!
One day, not that long ago, when my husband walked in the room and randomly said, “you’re the pandemic champion!”, I laughed and immediately said aloud, “why do you say that?” The back story, I used to be pretty inflexible. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, it’s that I used to be quite set in my ways because I felt the things I was doing worked and my non-negotiable priorities were different. With these changes, I’m not losing who I am, I am reframing what I need, in this time. I’m still the same person!
Babies don’t come with manuals and just when we think we have “it all figured out”, those sweet little babies become toddlers and young children with ALLL the questions. People often wonder HOW do we answer their questions? What information do we provide? What is helpful? There’s also a debate about nature vs. nurture, but what if, it’s both!? You see, there is so much value in leading by example, however, environment matters, too and while children come into the world as they are, they are not born with biases and they don’t understand sarcasm! What offerings exist in a Montessori classroom and how do the materials and experiences support a child’s development in regards to awareness and acceptance?
Montessori education and experiences are framed by opportunities for independence, choice supported by freedom within limits, promotion of participation in the experiences within the environment, and available activities presented based upon the child’s needs and interests. With these components in place, each child is able to have a unique experience shaped around their individual needs; despite their presence in a classroom or family environment where other people have other wants and needs. The experience promotes joy and provides windows for power that lead to stronger relationships with adults and others.
Often times, in the “heat of the moment”, in all of our interactions, we FORGET to set the expectations and instead proceed to become increasingly frustrated (physically, emotionally, and or verbally) by our children’s “misbehaviors”. Believe me when I say, your child will RESPECT you if you stay true to yourself and voice your expectations (or preferences). When a child realizes they can “walk all over you,” they may lose respect for you, not value your opinion or expectations, and “act out” in an effort to further “get their way.” If the child realizes you mean what you say because you show that you are serious, then, they will likely decrease their “button pushing” behavior.
Others have experienced THE SAME feelings of self-doubt, confusion, being conflicted within, and stricken with guilt. The KEY is what support system do you have or can you create for yourself (and your family)? Usually, it would be a matter of surrounding yourself with people that support you; family, friends, and neighbors. It can be hard to ask for help and at times, difficult to accept help, even when it’s needed. Imagine, how can your family and friends support you and help, when help is needed? What changes do you need to consider making in your life to improve your relationship with your kiddos?
If you’ve ever traveled on your own, you know the potential challenges. So, you know or could guess that traveling with little ones isn’t easy, sooo, what can we do to reduce stress? And, wait ‘til you see my interview with a few World Travelers; whom almost exclusively travel with their children, sometimes for 3 months at a time with a newborn and later with two children, ages 3 months to almost 4 years.
By implementing these strategies and preparing the environment and the child, they learn (natural) key times to use the bathroom in coordination with a familiar and consistent routine, using the bathroom becomes a habit! Toileting is a process that comes together by learning a variety of skills, so the process of learning takes place over time.
What is Home Day Hero? Some days are school days, while other days are home days, such as the weekends, holidays, sick days, and days that school or daycare is closed. When you are at home with your child, YOU are THE HERO! How will you be a hero on your home days? Home Day Hero’s Montessori Inspired Solutions to the rescue! Born from the idea that Montessori components can easily be implemented at home with tips and tricks from a certified Montessorian (Montessori teacher), that’s me! Follow along in my adventures through teaching hundreds of children and raising my own kiddos.
THE REALITY: Outbursts are reality and they are going to happen, no matter what. It’s how you respond that determines how the outburst(s) play out. To be a Hero on your Home Days, I bet you’d love to decrease the number of outbursts AND decrease the duration of them, too, don’t we all!?
Children should desire activities that are joyful, while that may look different for every child. Children should display curiosity for their environment and all that is within the space. Children should feel comfortable and safe in their environment, if it is possible.
