Seeking Joy
Parenting Today
Parenting is hard. There! I said it! Why is it this way, you may be wondering? The answer is “simple”, the kiddos have their own preferences, thoughts, and developing beliefs. And, on top of that, their ability to “reason” or understand the answers that are given and accept the answers; can be a challenge of its’ own. Imagine if the outbursts were shorter, the recoveries quicker, and the tears lessened!? Let’s zone in on the truths and give ourselves the grace we need and help the kiddos work through their challenges, too!
I was able to be in touch with Leah, a Licensed Master Social Worker that currently provides social emotional supports for an elementary school. This interview will focus on the professional experience and her personal opinions regarding how we can do a few critical things as parents, as we navigate this odd time:
Honoring the Truth
Finding Balance
Identifying Joy
“My name is Leah Lucas. I am a wife and mother of two (ages 10 & 6). I have been working in the Children's Mental Health field for the last 14 years. I have experience in residential treatment, in home and outpatient child and family therapy, facilitating social skills groups for children and adults with developmental disabilities, and adult outpatient therapy. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker and currently provide social emotional supports in an elementary school setting. In my free time I enjoy watercolor and acrylic painting, reading fictional books, making custom vinyl shirts, puzzles, kayaking and hiking.”
1.How do you honor the truths about society right now regarding society as a whole, social inequities, and Covid-19, as related to kiddos?
“Making sure that my kids have an understanding of what is going on in the world today has been a huge theme in our house. My children are 10 and 6, so we have worked hard to be honest, yet age appropriate. We have shielded them from the news for the most part because Media tends to focus on the negative and can make the world seem like a very scary place for little people. However, our kids understand the nature of Covid-19 and how serious it can be for people. They have been wearing masks everywhere we go and we have normalized it so that it has become 2nd nature for them. Our attitudes as adults frame how children see the world.”
“In terms of the police brutality and the Black Lives Movement, we have had some really candid conversations about our nation’s history and current climate. I want to raise children who will make a difference in the world. I want them to speak out when they see something wrong. Without showing graphic images, we have talked about ways that our society has made life difficult for people of color. We feel that they need to know that people are being killed, discriminated against, and that even though they may face adversities in their lives, the color of their skin does not make life harder.”
2.With the kids home all the time, how do you find balances between: work vs. playing with the kids, time at home vs. time in nature, things around the house vs. time for resting or recreation?
“Balance has been very difficult over the last few months in our house. As a mom with a mental health career, I feel like I have been really cognizant of my children’s mental health needs. They needed structure and security more than ever, all the while my own mental health needed attention. We stuck to our bedtime routines and woke up at similar times that we did when school was in session. I created a daily schedule that involved their school work (kindergarten and 4th grade), household chores, and screen time. At first it was a struggle! They didn’t want mom to be their teacher - they wanted me to be mom. But the more we stuck to routine, the better they did. Their days became predictable again, which is so important to their mental health. They started to take pride in their school work and looked for ways to entertain themselves. I was able to do my work in the afternoons, once they were occupied with playing together or using their earned screen time. I also believe that kids need/deserve quality time with their parents every day, so we would schedule in our play time. I tend to think that if I am not intentional about how I spend my time, everything falls apart. We made sure to hike or explore nature at least a few times each week, do some type of art project every week, and work together on daily housework.”
“While a large portion of my day was/is dedicated to my children - they have also come to respect the fact that I need my own time and outlets as well. I cannot entertain them constantly and remain sane. So I am also intentional about setting time aside for myself. I do art, I read books, I watch non-animated shows, I do my nails, etc. My kids have learned that Mom needs time, too. My husband has been instrumental to this as well. He spends time with the kids when he gets home from work, so that I might steal a bit of time alone. My youngest is able to hear and understand me when I say that I am not being mean, but I am tired and do not want to play Barbies at that moment. She feels secure enough to know that I will give her that time, just not always when she wants it.”
3.In these unprecedented times, identifying points of Joy is more important than ever. How do you identify what brings you (and your family) joy and implement within your home or routines?
“Finding joy every day is so important. Being able to laugh together and play together is vital to a healthy family. My mantra is that kids won’t remember all the money you spend on extravagant vacations, but they will look back and remember the day that you played Candyland 5 times in a row and ate pancakes for dinner. They will remember when you went on a walk and tried to find all the tadpoles in the pond. In order to become content adults, kids need to learn to appreciate the small moments of joy. It is important for them to hear you say - ‘that walk down to the pond was so fun today!’. My kids have very different interests from one another, but we are able to do things together that they both enjoy because my husband and I strive to show them the joy in the little things. My son does not share my daughter’s affinity for horses, but he will walk with us to the neighbor’s pasture and watch the horses. He has fun helping her find the longest blades of grass to stick through the fence so that they come closer. I think it is because we have modeled finding joy in the little things throughout childhood, too. Like I mentioned earlier - our attitudes as adults influence how kids see the world.”
Imagine, when these components are “in check”, outbursts should minimize or at least decrease in frequency and duration. Face the hard truths, work towards finding your balance, and identify what brings you joy. Is it the crisp smell in the air first thing in the morning? Is it watching the sun set in the evening? Is it taking the time for some sort of self care? Or, maybe it’s cooking your favorite dish or getting carry out from your favorite restaurant. Whatever things, big and small that bring you joy, recognize them, seek them, and consider sharing your appreciation with the people in your world; especially your kiddos and your significant other, if applicable. Through the act of sharing your points or moments of joy, you may find that others in your household begin to notice what things bring them joy, too. You see, joyfulness builds upon itself and it can be contagious in the best sort of way!
Many thanks to Leah for her time in helping us all to navigate these tricky times! Talk about JOY, if you would like to see some of Leah’s artwork, please visit her Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/With-Love-From-Leah-109756970383421/
Also, looking for additional support? One-on-One individual consulting sessions available. Register through the website or e-mail to inquire: info@homedayhero.com